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 이름: queen
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2010/2/6(토) 06:46 (MSIE6.0,WindowsNT5.1) 119.70.76.22 1024x768
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 아내와의 결혼을 후회하는(?) 문화심리학자 김정운 교수
‘나는 아내와의 결혼을 후회한다’라는 책을 쓴 문화심리학자 김정운 교수는 요즘 하루하루가 빠듯하다. 기업들이 앞 다투어 모셔가는 섭외 1위 강사이자 각종 신문에 기고를 하고 방송출연까지 한다. 그런 김 교수를 그의 아지트이자 사무실에서 만났다.
사무실 문에는 ‘여러 가지 문제 연구소’라는 문패가 달려 있었다. 역시 남다른 그를 직감하며 어떤 문제들을 연구하는 곳인지 물었다. 그는 “휴먼(休man)경영연구원”이라고 하면서 “그냥 재미있으라고 단 거다. 잘 쉬는 사람을 연구하는 연구원인데, 나중에 은퇴하면 연구하고 싶은 건 마음대로 연구하는 곳”이라며 담백하게 이야기했다.
“무엇을 느끼는지 알아야 좀 더 나은 삶에 대한 희망도 갖는 거고
노력도 할 수 있습니다”
# 소심한 남자의 자기소개서
명함을 주고받은 후 김 교수가 커피콩을 갈 때 사용하는 핸드밀러를 내밀었다. 핸드드립으로 커피를 내릴 준비를 하는 동안 콩을 갈아달라는 것이었다. 그는 익숙한 손놀림으로 잔을 예열하고 종이필터에 곱게 간 콜롬비아 커피를 털어넣었다. 드립 솜씨는 수준급이었다. 고소한 콜롬비아 커피향이 사무실 안을 가득 메우자 그는 이야기 보따리를 풀어놓기 시작했다.
“사실 ‘나는 아내와의 결혼을 후회한다’라는 책 제목을 지을 때 후보가 하나 더 있었어요. 지난 2년 동안 삼성경제 연구소‘SERI CEO’에서 동영상 강의했던 내용을 책으로 엮은 건데, 강의 중에 제일 인기 있었던 주제가 지금의 책 제목과 ‘하얀 침대시트에서는 누구나 잘할 수 있다’였거든요. 그런데 후자는 많이 자극적이잖아요. 생각해보니 남자의 심리를 가장 잘 대변해주는 게 지금의 책 제목인 것 같아서 결정했어요. 그런데 요즘은 여자들이 더 많이 봐요. 메일 오는 것을 보면 3/4 이상이 중년 여성들이니까요.”
중년 여성이 많이 본다는 말에 여성을 위한 심리책을 쓸 생각은 없는지 물었다. 그는 “여자에 대해서는 관심이 없다”며 웃음을 지어 보였다.
“여자에 대해서는 별로 관심이 없어요. 이 나이에 여자들에게 특별한 관심을 가질 만한 이유가 어디에 있겠어요. 그저 아내가 나를 더 잘 이해해주면 좋겠다는 것뿐이에요. 모든 남성은 김혜수와 같은 섹시한 스타와 또 다른 누군가의 따뜻한 마음과 지성 등을 뭉뚱그려서 꿈꾸잖아요. 하지만 세상에 그런 여자는 없어요. 그저 꿈과 환상일 뿐이죠. 그래서인지 여자에 대해 더 관심을 갖거나 알 필요는 없는 것 같네요.”
그는 자기 자신에게 솔직하다. 그만의 생동감 있는 표현력과 위트 있는 시선은 대화를 나누는 내내 긴장을 하게 만들었다. 40대 후반의 나이지만 ‘어디로 튈지 모르는 공’ 같았다. 그의 개성은 책에 써놓은 ‘자기 소개’에서도 잘 드러난다.
“(나는)팔뚝 굵은 아내가 차려준 아침밥상에 감사하며, 아침마다 그날 가지고 나갈 만년필 고르기에서 삶의 즐거움을 찾고, 거리의 망사스타킹을 보면 가슴이 뛰어 낚시가게 그물만 봐도 흥분하고, 자동차 운전석에서 슈베르트의 가곡을 목 놓아 따라 부르며 주책없이 울기를 좋아하는 사십 끝줄의 대한민국 남자다. 귀가 얇다 못해 바람만 불어도 귓바퀴가 귓구멍을 덮을 정도고, 한번 폭발하면 대로변에서 삿대질도 일삼는 욱하는 성격이지만, 한번 마음에 담아두면 며칠 밤 잠 못 자며 고민하는 소심남이기도 하다.”
# 묘하게 에로틱한 여자 vs 튼튼한 여자
“아내와의 결혼을 후회한다”고 말하고 다니는 남편에게 아내는 무어라 말할까. 사실 그의 아내는 큰 반응을 보이지 않는다. 결혼할 당시부터 원래 그런 줄 알고 결혼을 했단다. 그는 본래 ‘묘하게 슬프고 에로틱한 여인’이 이상형이었다. 그런 그에게 하나뿐인 여동생은 “오빠는 그런 여자와 결혼하면 큰일 나! 오빠가 말라죽든, 그 여자가 정신이 돌아버리든, 둘 중 하나가 될 거야”라며 단단히 충고했다. 그러고 나서는 지금의 아내를 소개받았다.
“동생은 저에게 몸도 마음도 튼튼한 후배를 만나야 한다며 아내를 소개해줬어요. 하지만 대학교 1학년과 4학년 복학생이 만나기엔 가치관도 세계관도 많이 달랐죠. 자연스럽게 연락이 끊어졌고, 그 후 저는 독일로 유학을 갔습니다. 하지만 낯선 땅에서의 삶은 너무나 힘들었고, 결국 1년을 겨우 버티고 방학을 맞아 서울로 왔어요. 외롭고 힘드니까 묘하고 에로틱한 건 관심도 없어지더군요. 튼튼하고 건강한 게 최고라는 생각이 들자 동생에게 예전에 만났던 ‘튼튼한 후배’에 대해 슬쩍 물었어요. 특별히 사귀는 남자는 없다는 말에 다시 사귀자고 했죠. 그리고 결혼을 해서 독일로 함께 가자고 했어요. 아내는 겁도 없이 바로 그러자고 하더군요. 아내가 4학년일 때 결혼을 했으니까, 그 학년에서는 아마 제일 먼저 결혼을 했을 거예요(웃음).”
그에게 아내의 매력을 물으니 “세상을 밝고 긍정적으로 보는 여자”라고 답했다. “다시 태어나도 지금의 아내와 결혼을 하겠느냐”는 물음에는 역시나 그다운 대답을 했다.
“모르죠. 내가 그걸 어떻게 알아요. 근데 우리 아내는 다시 태어나도 나와 결혼을 하겠대요. 왜 그러냐고 물었더니, 다른 남자 만나서 서로 길들여지고 편하기까지 시간이 많이 걸린다는 거예요. 이미 나는 아내에게 길들여져 있기 때문에 다른 남자를 만나봐야 뻔하다고 생각한 것 같아요. 하지만 나는 잘 모르겠어요. 아내에게 편안함을 느끼고 만족하고 있지만, 지금의 나로 또다시 태어나고 싶지는 않아요. 전혀 색다른 삶을 원해요. 아프리카 추장으로 태어나는 것도 괜찮을 것 같네요. 일부다처제이니 아내가 많아야겠죠? 뭐, 그중에 한 명이 지금의 아내여도 좋을 것 같네요(웃음).”
# 리추얼이 있어야 행복한 사람, 남자
지하철이나 버스에 앉아 있는 중년 남성의 얼굴을 본 적이 있는가. 대부분 입을 굳게 다문 채 멍한 표정을 짓고 있다. 어쩌다 남성들끼리 눈이 마주치면 ‘넌 왜 사느냐’와 같은 표정을 지으며 이내 피한다.
“남성들은 스스로를 불행하다고 말합니다. 스스로 무엇을 느끼고 있는지 모르기 때문에 불행한 거예요. 남성들은 자신의 삶에 무엇이 즐겁고, 힘든지 잘 모릅니다. 그저 막연하게 힘든 거죠. 자신의 정서적 힘듦을 인식하지 못하는 게 가장 불행한 겁니다. 심리 용어로 ‘감정 정체’라고 하는 것인데, 한국 남성들의 가장 큰 문제는 삶에 대한 기대도 흥분도 없이 살아가는 것입니다. 남성들은 자신의 내면과 정서적인 상태에 귀 기울일 필요가 있어요. 내가 무엇을 느끼는지 알아야 좀 더 나은 삶에 대한 희망도 갖는 거고 노력도 할 수 있습니다.”
그는 “남성들이 삶을 인식하지 못하기 때문에 과도한 자학으로 자신의 삶을 느껴보려 한다”고 말하면서 남성들이 큰 가슴과 마라톤, 폭탄주에 빠져 있는 이유에 대해 설명했다.
“남성들은 큰 가슴, 마라톤, 폭탄주에 열광합니다. 그 이유는 삶이 재미없기 때문이에요. 삶에 대해 어떠한 즐거움도 찾을 수 없기 때문에 ‘큰 가슴’에 집착하게 되는 거죠. 남성들이 큰 가슴에 열광하는 것은 소통의 부재로 인한 불안 때문입니다. 어머니의 젖을 빨 때 느꼈던 감정을 느끼고 싶어하는 퇴행적 현상인 거죠. 마라톤도 마찬가지입니다. 세상과 더 이상 소통할 수 없는 불안에 시달릴 때 자신의 존재를 확인하는 가장 쉬운 방법은 ‘자학’입니다. 마라톤대회에 참가하여 완주한 사람들의 인터뷰가 한결같이 ‘나 자신과의 싸움에서 이기기 위해 뛰었다’고 말하는 데서 알 수 있죠. ‘폭탄주’ 역시 삶의 문제로부터 도피하려는 아주 심각한 퇴행적 현상입니다.”
김 교수는 중년 남성들이 행복해지기 위해서는 일상에서 가슴 설레고 기대되는 장치들을 많이 만들어야 한다고 강조한다. ‘리추얼(Ritual)’이라고 말하는 이것은 삶의 정서적 반응과 의미부여가 일어나는 것을 뜻한다. 그는 아침에 일어나서 사무실에 오면 가장 먼저 핸드드립으로 커피를 내린다. 사무실로 향하는 차 안에서부터 드립커피를 만들 생각에 설렌다. 그에게는 커피를 마시는 행위뿐 아니라 과정 자체가 ‘리추얼’이 되는 것이다.
“삶에서 하고 싶은 게 많으면 행복한 겁니다. 자신의 느낌에 솔직하고 원하는 것을 찾아 재미있게 사세요. ‘시간만 나면 무얼 하고 싶다’는 구체적인 리추얼이 있는 사람이 행복한 사람입니다.”
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